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If like me you are forty seven years old and on an online dating site then odds are pretty high that a fear of intimacy is most likely a problem for you just like it is for me.Three years of intensive therapy have successfully reduced my fear of intimacy by a lot. My therapist suggested online dating as a way to make further progress with this issue so my purpose for online dating is a bit different than other people’s.There are several types of unavailability – both temporary and chronic. Do you think you’re so independent you don’t need anyone? Do you fear falling in love because you may get hurt? If you answered yes to some of these questions, counseling can help you heal in order to to risk getting close.Some people have always been unavailable due to mental illness and/or a troubled childhood. Seducers avoid authenticity because they don’t believe they’re enough to keep a partner. If you’re involved with someone emotionally unavailable, pressuring him or her to be more intimate is counterproductive. Before you know it you’re daydreaming what your name and his surname will sound like and about to suggest the idea of buying a puppy together. And you know he hasn’t died (let’s be honest, we’ve all used the ‘OMG maybe something terrible has happened to him?! He texts constantly, says all the right things, makes you feel like a princess and talks about the future. He stops replying to your messages (hi the blue whatsapp tick of anxiety), he suddenly seems less interested, he’s not following up on all of these future plans or he completely disappears.We all have to help each other which is what we women are great at doing.

I always had to please everyone else and therapy has changed my life by teaching me how to say no.Unfortunately it’s really easy to get swept away by guys like this (or girls – this isn’t exclusive to emotionally unavailable men but I’m just drawing on my own experiences here), because they’re so damn good at pulling out all the stops when it comes to the first part of dating and making you feel like the only girl in the world. It’s amazing how it pulls us in and catches us unaware.So how do you stop falling for the emotionally unavailable man and the inevitable mini heartbreak that ensues afterwards? Some guys can be Olympic standard pros at building the connection.’ line to try and justify the behaviour) because he was active on Facebook just 1 mere hour ago.These my friends, are the classic signs of an emotionally unavailable man.




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